Longing
by TessiLoveSVU
Summary: Olivia and Elliot want but cant touch ... do they even know about each others feelings? Will something happen? Set around Season 10ish ... However, Stabler and Kathy have divorced.
1. Feelings

**This is my first time back in a while, missed writing … Been busy but hope this is worthy. **

**REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW … PLEASE! SUPER DOOPER PLEASE! :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Law and Order: SVU … I am just a fan making a story. **

**XOXOXO**

"Good morning sunshine" she said as she climbed into the car.

"I love the small of coffee in the morning" Elliot said as he arose to the smells wafting into his car.

"_You smell and look like sunshine" _Elliot thought as he took his coffee from the container.

Stalk outs were necessary, he understood that but it was so fucking cold and he just wanted to walk inside and punch this perp's face in. Someone who grooms a child to be a sex slave for an international pedophile ring didn't really deserve to be under house arrest but Alex couldn't do anything else, the perp had cited a medical condition for proposing house arrest.

It was times like this that he was glad that he had Olivia as his partner, having someone so beautiful bring him something so delicious was a good way to wake up. She was alway doing nice things like this for him, and he never really understood why. He tried to be they best partner he could for her but he screwed up so often he wondered why she hadn't asked the Captain for a transfer. He couldn't imagine what it would be like to have someone else be his partner. He had been with Liv for so long that he couldn't picture himself without her.

"Making yourself crazy because you can't do anything isn't going to help us nail this bastard" Olivia interjected, breaking him out of his daze.

"This is so stupid although" he replied, "This perp has reoffended and he gets to go home instead of being locked up like the animal that he is."

They spent the rest of the day sitting in the car listening to the radio and talking about old arrests. Elliot enjoyed when he and Olivia got to do this, he felt like he was connecting to someone. The way they could talk with each other so freely and so openly made him feel connected to her in a way that he never was with Kathy.

"_Kathy, I wonder if she will let me see Eli on Saturday_" he thought remembering that it was the other of every other weekend.

**XOXOXO**

Spending time with Elliot alone in the car always meant that Olivia was going to have a good day. She revelled the attention he gave her when they weren't interrupted.

Today was a better day than normal, Elliot was chatty. When he locked himself in the car overnight he often thought about Kathy and he didn't want to talk to Olivia much. She let him stew in himself until he decided to come back to her in the real world.  
Today they listened to pop songs on the radio, talked about '_the good ol' _days' and took turns getting different foods from the Asian Grocery Market down the block. Laughing, smiling and joking around with each other made the somber, cold day enjoyable.

A therapist once told her to write in a diary every night just to have some sort of reassurance that what she was experiencing about her attack wasn't happening, it was just the flash backs. Olivia thought this was bullshit and didn't listen to this advice at first but after she did it she felt better about herself and what was happening. After 6 months she wasn't seeing the therapist and she was feeling good. She kept up the diary, she wasn't really sure why. But soon she was still documenting the feelings she was having for her partner.

Thinking about Elliot when she was away from him. They were happy, playful, romantic … and wrong for her to think. She knew that having feelings for her partner was wrong. She knew it was wrong to keep him by her side, as her partner. And no matter how many times she read her entries she was still in denial that she was in love with Elliot. She was loving how much time they were spending on this case, she wanted to make sure the perp was put away for life but lately her diary had been filled up with all the time that Elliot had been spending with her. The more time she spend with him the longer the entries became.

His divorce made it messy, children always made relationships messy. Olivia could see why Kathy had fought for the marriage she had with Elliot. He was smart, strong and tough but he had a side to him that was loving, caring and sensitive. This second side wasn't seen often but Olivia saw it in him every day, especially today.  
_"Gosh he was radiant today_" she thought as she walked into her apartment building _"he was so alive and confident, he even let me put my favourite radio station on." _

Olivia had always wanted children of her own. She had been thinking about freezing her eggs after she was attacked, she saw a fertility specialist. The news of her body clock winding down made her anxious. She desperately wanted children and she already knew that Elliot was a wonderful, kind, caring father. Before she had started re-reading her diary entries she had debated about asking Elliot for sperm so she could have a child. But she dismissed herself every time.  
"_You are being silly, he isn't going to say yes, he already has 5 children with the women he loved for 12 years." _She thought every time. 

Olivia walked into her apartment, closed the door and lingered with her back against the closed door for just a moment to think about how great her day was.

**XOXOXO**

As Elliot dropped Olivia off at her apartment building he let the car idle as he watched her check her mail and start up the stairs to her apartment.  
He loved watching her walk, the way her ass swayed from side to side got him a bit hot and sweaty.

As he started to drive off he stalled the car.

"_FUCK!"_ he thought as the car behind him beeped at him. "_Gotta stop letting her control me, especially when she isn't around." _

The whole day that they spent in the car all he could do was smell her.

Whenever he looked at her all he could think about was how beautiful she looked with the sun streaming into the car behind her.  
"_She looks like Archangel Chamuel"_ he thought around 11:30am as the sun beamed through the car windshield.

When he got into his apartment he rushed to the shower and took the longest shower he could.

After this he attempted to go to sleep but just lay in his bed thinking about different ways he could find a reason for them to be alone together.

It was gonna be a long and restless night thinking about something he couldn't have …


	2. Thinking

**Author's Note: I'm not sure where I was going to go with this story. Let me know what suggestions you have … like where you'd like to see Liv and El end up. Or like anything that would stop them being together or struggles that might bring them together or not. I have an idea but I didn't really plan this story so I put it to you, my faithful readers:  
This is your chance to help me shape this story, to manipulate the characters and their storylines and help me to create a situation, so that we can see what could happen that could change the fabric of space and time between two characters.  
PLEASE REVIEW! REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW and let me know your thoughts. **

**XOXOXO**

Elliot couldn't do it. He spent all night awake. Lying and staring at the ceiling all night and he had been thinking. He was thinking about Olivia as per usual.

He was thinking about going to see Dr Huang. He thought about asking if this attraction he felt was normal. If partners on the job typically got this close, or if it was something he should hide. He needed some help to figure out what was going on. He needed fresh eyes to look at what he was looking at.

He also thought about what he needed. He needed love. He needed someone to love and someone who could love him. Truly and dearly. Love him for everything he was mentally, physically and emotionally.

He deserved someone who understood him. Who understood his life and what that came with. Someone who knew that the job wasn't just something he could shut off when he left the station. That the job was part of him and it made him the way he was.

He needed someone who understood that he was strong and tough, but there were times when needed someone to lean on. Someone to be strong for a short time while he was weak momentarily. Kathy was never that person for him. She never understood the pressures he was under. He never let her see that he could be broken.  
He found out when they divorced that his life wasn't much different without her. He just missed the children. He didn't know Kathy, what she did, who her friends were, how she looked even. And if he was honest with himself, he didn't miss her at all and hadn't in years (even when they loved together).

**XOXOXO**

As he got dressed he had to think about Olivia and what she would need. They both had the same job, they both did the same things, they both liked the same things (most of the time). He started to think of questions he had never really thought before.

_Did she have feelings for him?_

_What would she expect from him?_

_Would she want to start a relationship with him? _

_Was he the kind of man that she could see herself with?_

_Could they have a relationship even with all his baggage?_

He started to think about how he would act in the office today. He thought about watching Olivia, and not just in the normal way that he did. Not watching her movements to see how graceful she was, or how beautiful she was. He was going to watch her to see if she showed any signs that she might reciprocate his feelings. He wasn't going to let his feelings get in the way of his observations of her.

He decided that he would go and see Huang on his lunch break (and swear him to secrecy). Seek out some specialist help, assess what his options are.

**XOXOXO**

Olivia walked into the squad room and then she stopped in her tracks. Elliot wasn't there. His papers were stacked in the correct folders, all in their little boxes. It was just like he had left it last night.  
Her heart-rate elevated as she looked around the room for Elliot.

Noticing that she had been standing in the one spot for a few minutes she quickly walked over to her desk and sat down. Starting to look through some files that had been put on her desk she wasn't really paying attention to the content.

Her stomach started to churn as she thought about all the things that could have happened to him.

Car crash - _He did drive her home but had he made it home safely?_

Robbed - _Nope … he would have caught the bastard._

Fire in his building - _Would he have made it out? Would he be helping other people in the building?_

Shot on his way to work - _It was possible, he would step in to help civilians. Not to be the hero but because that was just who Elliot Stabler was. _

No! She couldn't think like this. She had no right to think these thoughts. She has no right to be worried about Elliot like this. They are working partners, not life partners or dating. Nothing like that.

She just put her head down and attempted to pay attention to the mountain of paperwork she had to do.

**XOXOXO**

Elliot was late. He had a micro sleep in the shower and as a result was now running late.

Traffic getting in had been terrible because he had left later then he meant to.

"_Fuck!" _he thought as he arrived at the precinct to find that all the good parks were taken and all he could get was something nearly a block away from the station.

Elliot ran from the car to the station door, and deciding that he couldn't wait for the elevator he then ran up the stairs.

As he burst into the squad room he found that everyone was silently working at their desks on the paper work from the case that they had just closed.

Cragen walked out of his office and waved Elliot over.

"You got an explanation as to why you are late?" he said quietly.

Elliot caught his breath before saying "None that would make sense Captain."

"Next time while you are stuck in traffic, think of a better excuse" the Captain said before letting Elliot go to his desk to do the paperwork he was required to fill in.

**XOXOXO**

When lunch time rolled around Olivia offered to get him something from the bakery across the street which he declined. He didn't typically decline her offers, she normally knew exactly what he would want even before he knew it himself. She was that good at reading him.

Olivia was initially taken back by Elliot's rejection however she didn't let him see it. She just smiled, nodded and headed out of the squad room.

As she walked out the door she looked back at Elliot, hunched over his desk doing his written work. She watched the way his back muscles tensed almost as if he knew she was watching him. She turned and left thinking about how strange he had been acting. He hadn't said much, hadn't explained his late arrival, and hadn't offered her coffee when he had gotten some for himself. He just didn't seem like her normal Elliot.

**XOXOXO**

Elliot waited for about 5 minutes after Olivia left before he got up from his desk and made his way out the back exit of the station. He knew Olivia was headed to the bakery across the road but he didn't want her to see him leaving. He already left like he had hurt her feelings by rejecting her offer for lunch.

But he just couldn't let her know what he was doing. He had to see Huang before she found out.

Considering the FBI building that George's office was only a few blocks away Elliot decided that he wanted to walk. The walk would do him some good. Fresh air running through his lungs often helped him gather his thoughts.

**XOXOXO **

**Authors Note: I decided to leave Elliot's visit until the next chapter. I was tired, restless and I felt like the story is taking a bit more shape now it has a slight hint of a direction. However, I still need your help. So please REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW and let me know how you want to see this play out? How do you see Liv and El getting together? Let me know ;) xx**


	3. Movie Night

**Author's Note: Sorry it took me a while to post this. I have been busy at Uni, and I have had a little bit of writers block. I was listening to my song of the moment **_**MAPS **_**by Marron 5 whilst I was writing this. Here is the next chapter for your enjoyment ****  
PLEASE REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW! **

"Thankyou for seeing me Doc" Elliot said as he walked to Dr Huang's office.

"You said it was urgent" Huang said as he closed the door behind Elliot "Sit down" he said pointing to the couch across the room.

As Elliot sat he was wondering how to start the conversation.

"What brings you here today?" Huang said, sitting down opposite him.

"Olivia" he said quietly.

"Is your partnership in trouble?"

"No … Yes … Only from me" Elliot muttered.

"How?"

"I think I have spent too much time with her, I think … I don't know" Elliot stared to rub his hands up and down his thighs.

"What don't you know? How is spending too much time with Olivia causing trouble?"

"Because I think I have fallen in love with her." Elliot said, knotting his hands together.

Huang nodded and scribbled something on his note pad.

"And you are thinking about whether or not she feels the same way?" he said posing one of his every annoying questions. Elliot looked up with a frustrated look on his face.

"No, I have my suspicions that she knows about my feelings …" Elliot started to fidget with his hands, still looking at Huang who was nodding his head slowly "… My question and what lead me here is what should I do? Do I act on my feelings? Do I keep them to myself?"

Huang kept scribbling on the note pad.

"I think you should get your feelings off your chest but do it in a way that Olivia isn't threatened, then she will be more open with you about her feelings." Huang said in a monotone voice with a sly smile on his face.

**XOXO**

Olivia arrived back at the station before Elliot had. She was slightly worried, and if she was honest she was hurt at his rejection. He never rejected her and he was acting weird since their last stake out.

She noticed that he was going into a downward spiral, she decided as she sat down at her desk she was going to do what she could to make his day better and get him out of this weird funk he was in.

**XOXO **

"You were gone a little while" Olivia said as Elliot entered the squad room.

"Mmmmm … I had a few errands to run." He said as he sat down at his desk opposite her.

Olivia noticed the weird mood that Elliot was in and left it alone. If he wanted to brood then she was going to let him do that. She couldn't compel him to talk, he would come back to her soon.

She filled in the rest of her paperwork and started to google places to have dinner.

**XOXO **

Elliot felt bad for rejecting Olivia, she had been nice to him all week.

"El, I am going to get a little shut eye for a half hour." Olivia said as she got up and went into the cribs.

Elliot watched her ass sway as she walked away and decided to take Huang's advice.

He got his sticky notes out of his draw and he started to brainstorm the best ways he could think of spending time with Olivia outside of work

_Go out to dinner_

_Movie night at home_

_At awards night next week _

_Go out for a drink _

He sat there thinking about each suggestion he had written down.

In a restaurant she would feel sand bagged, she might feel under pressure to say something that she didn't meant. He would never want her to regret anything she said to him. He crossed that one out.

_Movie night at home_

_At awards night next week _

_Go out for a drink _

The awards night wasn't the appropriate setting for the 'I love you' speech. He was left with ...

_Movie night at home_

_Go out for a drink _

In a bar, where it was too loud, there are randy men.  
_"Hmmm …. I'm not sure if being around other people is going to get the message across." _He thought.  
She might misconstrue that he wasn't just drunk. He didn't want Olivia to be distracted by other things when he told her. This was going to be something that he wanted to articulate himself perfectly and remember everything. He crossed that out and the only one left was ...

_Movie night at home_

They had been doing movie nights every Friday night for about 2 months now and they alternated whose apartment it was at. And who bought dinner.

"_Movie night? But when?" _he wondered.

**XOXO**

Olivia returned down from the cribs to a note on her desk, and Elliot's desk across from her empty.

She read the note:

_Dinner and Movie at mine tonight  
I have the movie already but you pick  
dinner.  
See you when you get there :) El _

A small smile crept across her face. She hadn't slept at all in the cribs, she had been worried that Elliot's strange mood might have made him back out of their movie night. She loved being around him in such a relaxed way. She didn't need to be alone when she went home for the weekend.

She the clock on her desk.

5:30pm

She had time to stop off home, have a shower and get changed.

She neatened her desk, tidied her papers and said her goodbyes for the weekend.

**XOXO **

At 6:30pm Elliot was doing some last minute cleaning, like throwing his dirty clothes in the washing basket and washing all the dishes lying around the apartment.

_BUZZ BUZZ _

Elliot's phone went off across the room.

It was a text message from Olivia. His heart fluttered in his chest.

_**Just getting the food, be there soon. Liv **_

Elliot quickly smelt his armpit. He decided that changing out of his work clothes seemed like a good option.

**XOXO**

Olivia picked up Elliot's favourite Chinese take away for dinner. She liked doing little things for him even though he might not have noticed it, but she didn't mind.

She reached Elliot's apartment at about 6:30pm, not long after she had sent her text.

She quickly went home and changed out of her work clothes, and replaced them with a pleated royal blue knee length slip dress, a denim jacket and a pair of white sandals.

The shoes didn't really matter because they would come off when she got into the apartment.

She also had on her favourite lingerie set. A black sheer lace bra and a matching lacy g-string. It didn't matter if Elliot didn't know about the lingerie she wore around him; she knew she was wearing it and it was her way of showing her feelings for him because she wasn't brave enough to tell him.

She was nervous about seeing him. She always was outside of work.

**XOXO**

Elliot had debated with himself about when he was going to tell Olivia about his feelings.

He decided that he was going to tell her after the movie had ended. Then she could leave and they could be friends or she would have feelings for him like he suspected and they could work out how to be together.

**DING DONG**

She was here!

He had gotten plates and cutlery out and set them on the coffee table in front of the T.V. with the movie already in the DVD player.

He had picked _Made of Honor_ and was hoping that before he spoke to her she would pick up on that he was like the guy in the movie (slightly) and had feelings for her.

"Hey Liv, come in" he said as he opened the door.

"Hey El, sorry I'm late." She said stepping into the apartment and handed him the bags of food. "They mucked up our order so I had to go back."

"All good, you look nice" he asked looking up and down Olivia. He was stunned by how beautiful she looked. As she was concentrating on taking off her shoes he was staring at how the dress she was wearing hung perfectly on her curves.

They walked into the living room and sat down on the couch.

"_Nice isn't what I was going for"_ she thought to herself as she grabbed the plastic container of food and started to eat.

"What movie did you pick for us this evening?" she asked as she put the food down and shrugged off her jacket.

"Made of Honor, bit of a rom-com after the week we have had." He said pressing play on the DVD remote.


End file.
